ImaJAN Media Network
MeltedJoystick Home
   Games  Members
Search +
Searching... Close  
Are you sure you want to delete this comment?
  
 
  Login Using Facebook
Twitter
 
     

He’s Everywhere! 10 Videogame Characters that Remind Me of Chris

View Nelson Schneider's Profile

By Nelson Schneider - 03/27/16 at 03:45 PM CT



When you are best friends with someone for a quarter of a century, you really get to know them. And, as is universally known, familiarity breeds contempt. As only children, MeltedJoystick’s Community Manager (and database slave), Chris and I are practically brothers, so some good-natured brotherly ribbing is not unexpected… especially when someone seems to go out of their way to be as bizarre as Chris. My familiarity with his idiosyncratic looks and habits has conditioned me to see Chris-ness and Chris-like behavior everywhere, from the Warhammer Fantasy universe’s Squigs to Universal Pictures’ Minions to “Southpark’s” Eric Cartman. I often see these resemblances in videogame characters as well. Inspired by my recent exposure to the number one character on the following list, and in honor of Chris’ birthday at the beginning of March, I’m mildly-annoyed to present a Belated Birthday Roast for MeltedJoystick’s favorite indistinct lump. I only used one rule in the compilation of this list: The characters in question must have appeared in a videogame before any other medium.

10. Toad (‘Super Mario Bros.’ franchise)

"The very first time I reached the end of a Bowser castle in “Super Mario Bros.” and saw the short little mushroom guy sitting on his ass, telling me that the princess was in another castle, I saw the resemblance… and irritated Chris by pointing it out. As he has developed in Nintendo’s mythos, Toad has only become more Chris-like, with his squeaky voice, slow walking speed, and inability to keep himself out of trouble."




9. Chupacabra (“Castlevania: Lord of Shadows”)

"I was not actually familiar with this character through direct experience, as 3D ‘Castlevania’ games suck harder than HAL Labs’ Kirby (who was, coincidentally, in the running for this list but didn’t make the final cut) and the chupacabras in 2D ‘Castlevania’ games are completely different. However, when Chris and I were looking through the PSN store gaping at the rapacious prices Sony dared to charge for digital avatars, we came across this guy and, needless to say, both saw the resemblance (and Chris dropped a hard-earned 49 cents for the avatar, which he still uses). Of course, Chupacabra’s Chris-ness goes beyond his looks, as according to the ‘Castlevania’ Wiki, this character is an immortal trickster and hoarder of shiny objects. Aside from the immortal part, that’s Chris in a nutshell."




8. Big Daddy (“BioShock”)

"You might be wondering why this character made the final cut. Chris is neither big, nor a daddy, so what does he have in common with this diving-suited behemoth? Well, the Big Daddy’s stooped posture and plodding gait are somewhat Chris-like, but anyone who has been on Steam chat with Chris will be familiar with the strongest similarities: Their labored breathing and incoherent moaning noises. Mysteriously, Chris also shares the Big Daddies’ almost supernatural affinity for small children. For some reason kids love him… animals too!"




7. Gremlin (“Uninvited”)

"I’ll just let the game’s text speak for itself: “You think you see a somewhat cute, abstract creature with a key in its hand prance by.” I can’t think of a better way to describe Chris, especially on a dating website. Chris loves Japanese girls (and who can blame him?), and Japanese girls love “somewhat cute, abstract, prancing creatures” – hence the popularity of the Minions in the Land of the Rising Sun, and the fact that almost every anime and manga features some such mascot character. The Gremlin even has his own amazing theme music, which reminds me so much of Chris that I use it as my ringtone whenever he calls my cell."




6. Mog (“Final Fantasy 6”)

"Mog, and by extension all moogles, have the essential Chris traits: Short, round, fuzzy, somewhat strange. Mog from “Final Fantasy 6” takes the resemblance a couple notches further with his love of solo dancing and the fact that he is best friends with an anti-social giant who lives in a cave (see, I can be self-deprecating too). Of course, the Mog from “FF6” isn’t the only Mog that resembles Chris, as “Final Fantasy 7’s” Golden Saucer arcade contained a mini-game called ‘Mog House,’ featuring a moogle who could eat so many Kupo Nuts that he’d become too fat to fly. Interestingly, before moogles were characters, ‘moogled’ was a status ailment in “The Final Fantasy Adventure,” which prevented the player from doing anything besides waddling around until it wore off."




5. Bomber (“The Last Tinker: City of Colors”)

"Bomber is the alter ego of Biggs, a mushroom man inhabiting the City of Colors. Biggs and Bomber both share Chris’ general laziness and semi-fungal biology, and they will stand around doing nothing forever if given a chance. They do hop to attention if someone whistles at them, but need constant supervision to keep them engaged in a given task. Bomber, being the shorter, more rotund version, bears a physical resemblance to Chris, especially with his stocking cap-like helmet, but the two are also similar in how they express their emotions. Bomber grunts and whines pathetically while being manhandled into the right location and with little provocation will run off screaming before exploding in an angry/terrified/depressed outburst. He also serves in the City of Color’s navy… as canon ammunition. (Chris, never join the navy!)"




4. Varus Soleptor (“Defiance”)

"As a member of the Votan alien race known as Liberata within the “Defiance” universe, Varus naturally has a lot of physical resemblances to Chris. All Liberata, regardless of gender, are short, rotund, and hairy. Good old Varus is completely unlike Chris in a lot of ways, though, such as being thrifty to a fault and fabulously wealthy as a result of cutthroat business practices. But underlying both Varus’ and Chris’ cheery and disarming exteriors are smoldering tempers and a love of violence that typically gets handwaved away with a hearty chuckle."




3. The Blob (“A Boy and His Blob”)

"Being small, round, pale, and malleable, Chris and the Blob have plenty of physical resemblances. But the biggest thing they have in common is their love of ketchup. In order to position the Blob in his games, the Boy must typically throw a ketchup-flavored jellybean at the spot where he wants the Blob to “catch up.” The Blob will literally appear out of nowhere to make sure that delicious ketchup flavor doesn’t go to waste… and Chris is the same way. The Blob also takes on different, more useful forms depending on what flavor of jellybean he is given. Chris works the same way, except he transforms when given different flavors of vodka. I have seen Chris transform from a splayed, lifeless blob into an energetic social butterfly through the application of cherry vodka (cherry = cheery?). I’m going to have to try out a ketchup vodka on him sometime and see what happens (or maybe that’s too close to a Bloody Mary…)."




2. Salvador (“Borderlands 2”)

"I have to throw Chris a bone here since he’s being a good sport about this entire article. Of course, Salvador, being a stocky, burly, gun-toting badass isn’t how the world sees Chris, but how he sees himself. Maybe if Salvador went (more) insane and became a Loot Midget, hiding in boxes of garbage and giggling maniacally when discovered, the resemblance would be stronger."




1. Tatsu (“Xenoblade Chronicles X”)

"When I first encountered Tatsu in “Xenoblade Chronicles X,” I couldn’t help but think of the ‘In Marge We Trust’ episode of “The Simpsons.” In that episode, Homer is completely taken aback when he comes across a Japanese detergent mascot that looks EXACTLY LIKE HIM. It turns out that the character, Mr. Sparkle, was actually created by a Japanese artist combining a lightbulb with a fish, but the result looked so much like Homer it was uncanny. Tatsu is Chris’ Mr. Sparkle. They are both short, round, covered in blonde fur, bespectacled, and possess ridiculous cowlicks. Tatsu also serves as the player’s team mascot throughout the game, taking credit for all sorts of positive outcomes in situations where he literally did nothing or ran away and hid. Like Chris, Tatsu is a pacifist who thinks he’s a complete badass, and like Tatsu, Chris is frequently mistaken for a vegetable."


Share:    
MeltedJoystick Gaming Blog RSS Feed
Comments
1 comments
Name: 

Avoid spam Captcha: Sign Up + or Log In +   



 
View Chris's Profile

Chris

Wrote on03/28/16 at 09:00 PM CT

I prefer Salvador because he also has quite the temper - as anyone who has witnessed me playing any video game can concur. I don't think ketchup-flavored vodka would really go over well - I prefer something that's a bit easier to mix (chocolate, cherry and the like are much better). And I prefer not to know how I taste exactly... but hopefully it's not as bad as poison poop - though maybe that would totally help in zombie apocalypse because if I taste that bad, zombies would just avoid me in favor of something more flavorful.

Write on Profile +

Bloggers

Previous Blog Posts

Archive

All Posts

March 2019

February 2019

January 2019

December 2018

November 2018

October 2018

September 2018

August 2018

July 2018

June 2018

May 2018

April 2018

March 2018

February 2018

January 2018

December 2017

November 2017

October 2017

September 2017

August 2017

July 2017

June 2017

May 2017

April 2017

March 2017

February 2017

January 2017

December 2016

November 2016

October 2016

September 2016

August 2016

July 2016

June 2016

May 2016

April 2016

March 2016

February 2016

January 2016

December 2015

November 2015

October 2015

September 2015

August 2015

July 2015

June 2015

May 2015

April 2015

March 2015

February 2015

January 2015

December 2014

November 2014

October 2014

September 2014

August 2014

July 2014

June 2014

May 2014

April 2014

March 2014

February 2014

January 2014

December 2013

November 2013

October 2013

September 2013

August 2013

July 2013

June 2013

May 2013

April 2013

March 2013

February 2013

January 2013

December 2012

November 2012

October 2012

September 2012

August 2012

July 2012

June 2012

May 2012

April 2012

March 2012

February 2012

January 2012

December 2011

November 2011

October 2011

September 2011

August 2011

July 2011

June 2011

May 2011

April 2011

March 2011

February 2011

 
Log In
 
For members wanting to use FB to login, click here
remember me
 
 

What Members Are Doing

Comments about...

New Game Reviews

Dark Quest 2 game review by Nelson Schneider
Quake III Arena game review by Megadrive
Just Cause 3 game review by Chris Kavan
Red Dead Redemption game review by dbarry_22
The Incredible Adventures ... game review by Nick Barry
Guacamelee! 2 game review by Chris Kavan
The Incredible Adventures ... game review by Chris Kavan
Never Alone game review by Nelson Schneider

New Game Lists

Top PlayStation 2 Games by Megadrive
Games I Own: PS4 by dbarry_22
Backlog by Nelson Schneider
My Backlog by Chris Kavan
Backlog by Matt
Top Nintendo (NES) Games by Nick Barry
Favorite Cooperative Multipla... by Jonzor
Top Sandbox Games by Elizabeth

 

 

 

Contact Us Public Relations MeltedJoystick Friends    

Advertise and Business

Contacts Us

Jobs

About us

SiteMap

 

Support Us

FAQ and Help

News and Press

Terms of Use

Privacy

Hitfix.com

Amazon.com

OVGuide.com

   
Are you sure you want to delete this comment?
  
Are you sure you want to delete this blog?