By Nelson Schneider - 02/27/16 at 04:30 PM CT
Spring is sproinging, and with it comes the promise of new life and vibrant renewal. The world has been sleeping under a frozen blanket for months, and we’re ready for the hibernation to end – especially those of us who enjoy videogames. Sure, sitting inside playing games when the weather finally gets nice again is a waste, but the release slump we’ve been in since, oh, the 8th Gen started really needs to come to an end. Will it? Nope!
Shovelware is hard to come by this month. There is no traditionally licensed shovelware coming in March based on TV shows, movies, or other terrible ideas. Instead, the only shovelware being heaped upon us is a handful of annual sports releases: ‘MLB The Show,’ ‘EA UFC,’ and a PC port of the latest ‘WWE’ wrestling title.
But the ports… oh God, the ports! It seems they are becoming more and more numerous as the 8th Generation trudges on. This month, PC is getting the very old “Hitman” and the very new “FarCry Primal” from consoles, while the PS4 is getting “Republique” from PC in exchange. The PS4 and XBONE are getting “Lichdom: Battlemage” from PC, while all three major platforms are getting “Trackmania Turbo” from… the DS. The XBONE is getting “Tropico 5,” the PS4 is getting a remaster of “Witch and the Hundred Knight,” while the WiiU is getting another ‘Zelda’ HD remaster instead of a new entry in the franchise. Finally, the 3DS is getting “Terraria” and “Hyrule Warriors.”
Legit multi-platform releases look a bit thin on the ground, as there are only three pending for March. “Alekhine’s Gun” (which was supposed to have released months ago) is finally coming to the PS4 and XBONE, a new rally racing game, “Sebastien Loeb Rally Evo” is coming to the HD consoles, and Ubisoft is pooping out an online-only PVP-centric ‘Tom Clancy’ game for everthing.
There are more exclusives coming in March than we’ve been used to recently. But none of them are particularly compelling. PC is getting Adventure title “Adr1ft” and “Bus Simulator 2016” (for those who just can’t get enough busses). The PS4 is getting “Nights of Azure” – a GUST RPG, so it will be terrible – while Sony’s ecosystem in general has nailed-down boob-touching sim sequel “Senran Kagura Estival Versus” (which I can’t help but call “Estrogen Festival” due to the amount of gibberish in the title) and a new IP Tower Defense title, “Aegis of Earth: Protonovus Assault,” which I’m sure the pinheads who still use the term will call a ‘JRPG’ just because of the art style. The Vita, all by its lonesome, is getting a Compile Heart RPG (read: terrible RPG) called “Trillion: God of Destruction.” Nintendo, meanwhile, is bringing a ‘Pokemon’ Fighting game to the WiiU, “Pokken Tournament,” which smells a bit too much like “Pokemon Stadium” for my liking. The 3DS is also getting another ‘PoPoLoCrois’ title and an obligatory ‘Mario & Sonic at the Olympics’ title for the Rio games this summer.
Yuck, yuck, yuck! No, I’m not laughing like Disney’s Goofy, I’m disgusted – again – with the month’s releases. The only remotely interesting title is “Aegis of Earth,” but I’m not a fan of Tower Defense in general, and it’s impossible to find a gameplay trailer for it (even on the game’s official website!). I think I’ll just keep playing my backlog of Steam and GOG titles that keeps getting bigger even though I never buy anything ‘new.’
Backlog Embiggened: +0
Comments
Nelson Schneider - wrote on 03/26/16 at 03:06 PM CT
My apologies for calling "Senran Kagura" a boob-touching simulator. It is clearly a Beat 'em Up with busty characters. Due to my apathy toward handhelds, I had mistakenly conflated the series with "Doki Doki Majo Shinpan!" on the DS, which IS a boob-touching sim. Gibberish Japanese titles are gibberish. I miss the days when localization teams put in some effort to translate things idiomatically instead of just transliterating foreign slang.
Chris Kavan - wrote on 03/06/16 at 02:36 PM CT
No that it will add anything to your pleasure, but Resident Evil 6 is coming out in full glory on the PS4 and Xbox One before the end of the month (with all DLC included) while Lichdom has been pushed back to April. And Need for Speed is finally coming out on PC (Origin) as well. Happy update to you!
