By Nelson Schneider - 10/10/15 at 04:46 PM CT

As the holidays (ALL of them, not just Christmas and New Year’s Day) perpetually expand their days of influence year after year, it should come as no surprise that the entire month of October is now dedicated to Halloween. Who knows, maybe in the distant future when our modern world is as much a mystery to the inhabitants of earth as the Greek city-states are to us, the 10th month of the year will simply be called “Halloween,” the 11th will be called “Turkey” and the 12th will be called “X-Mas.”

It is fitting to call this October by the name of the holiday it houses, as the amount of terrible things happening in the games industry is truly, utterly terrifying.

The flow of shovelware has not let up since it turned back on last month. October is slathering an unbelievable amount of crap across all platforms, but a lot of it is focused on the ‘new’ 8th Gen consoles, which have apparently finally existed for long enough to attract negative attention.

18 shovelware titles… really… does anyone want this?

First, and most noteworthy, among the hordes of shovelware is the triumphant(?) return of both ‘Guitar Hero’ and ‘Rock Band.’ As if to prove that casual music and dancing wasn’t just a scourge upon the original Wii, a new ‘Just Dance’ AND a new ‘Just Dance: Disney’ title are coming along for the ride, along with a new ‘Let’s Sing.’ Finally, the Vita is getting an exclusive rhythm game in “Superbeat: XONiC.”

But the song and dance games aren’t alone in the world of shovelware. Oh, no! They also brought along a whole slew of licensed games based on terrible kids’ TV and movies! There’s “Transformers: Devastation,” “Adventure Time: Finn & Jake Investigations,” and “Monster High: New Ghoul in School” on as many platforms as can bear them, while the 3DS is getting exclusive access to “Gravity Falls: Legend of the Gnome Gemulets,” “Dragon Ball Z: Extreme Butoden,” the creatively titled “The Smurfs,” and a tie-in for the Jack Black movie vehicle, “Goosebumps.” The final licensed game for October is both licensed AND a port, with the Telltale “Back to the Future: The Game” moving from its old platforms to the shiny 8th Gen consoles.

Two bits of wholesome family friendliness are also releasing that don’t involve song, dance, or extant IPs, “The Jackbox Party Pack” and “The Hasbro Family Fun Pack.” Then there’s an annual WWE wrestling game and an annual WRC racing game.

Who wants ports and remasters?! Not me! But we’re getting a bunch anyway! The best news out of the world of ports and remasters is that “Minecraft” is FINALLY getting a friggin’ “Story Mode.” And it only took the creator selling the game to Microsoft for that to happen. Don’t get me wrong, though, it still looks terrible. In another incredibly surprising move, both “Divinity: Original Sin” and “Wasteland 2” have left their happy home as PC exclusives and moved into both the PS4’s and XBONE’s libraries. The “Teslagrad” physical port that was supposed to happen last month will also be happening this month, as will a PS4/XBONE remasterbation of “Darksiders 2.”

Living up to its name as the PortStation 4, the PS4 will be getting even more ports and remasters than everyone else. “Uncharted: The Nathan Drake Collection” will combine all three PS3 cinematic ‘Tomb Raider’ knock-offs on one disc, while the PS4 will also acquire access to “The Talos Principle” and “Grand Ages: Medieval” from PC, and “MX vs. ATV: Supercross” and “Air Conflicts: Pacific Carriers” from the PS3. The XBONE is mysteriously getting a physical version of Indie ‘Mega Man’ clone, “Shovel Knight.” Not to be left out of the fun, the PS3 and WiiU are both remastering their OWN games, with a compilation of ‘Atelier’ games releasing on PS3 and a compilation of ‘New Super Mario Bros.’ releasing on the WiiU… for people who own those platforms but apparently can’t be bothered to pick up the original uncompiled versions. Finally, the Vita is getting two ports: “Farming Simulator 16” – for those who have a burning desire to simulate farming while on the go – and “Earth Defense Force 2.”

After all of that crap and platform shuffling, do we at least get any legit, new multi-plats this month? Why, yes. Yes, we do. We get a whopping THREE: “Assassin’s Creed Syndicate,” “Tales of Zestiria,” and “Ride.” And all of them look like crap!

Can anything save us from these endless Halloween horrors? Maybe some exclusives? Don’t count on it! PC is getting a bunch of surprise stuff on Steam from the Indie quarter, as usual, but we can anticipate “Overlord: Fellowship of Evil” (which won’t stay exclusive for long), “Sublevel Zero,” and “Prison Architect” (which finally left Early Access!). PS4 is getting “Dragon Quest Heroes” – a Dynasty Warriors’ style game with a 'Dragon Quest’ skin, much like the rather banal “Hyrule Warriors” – and “Disgaea 5” (for those who just can’t stop grinding). The PS3 and Vita are sharing a new 2D Fighting release, “Dengeki Bunko: Fighting Climax,” which Chris should buy solely because it contains the word ‘climax’ and because he insists on naming his mounts ‘Bunko’ in our D&D campaigns. The XBONE and WiiU are each getting one exclusive: “Halo 5” and “Yoshi’s Woolly World,” respectively.

Finally, in handhelds, the Vita is actually getting two non-shovelware, non-port games, while the 3DS is getting three. The Vita can lay claim to the Adventure genre with “Corpse Party: Blood Drive” and “Code:Realize – Guardian of Rebirth,” while the 3DS is all about Action and RPGs with a new (almost good-looking) ‘Zelda’ game, “Legend of Legacy,” and a new ‘Chibi-Robo’ title.

Wow, two months in a row with enormous release schedules. How many games interest me this month? Well, IF I had a 3DS, I’d be willing to give “Zelda: TriForce Heroes” a shot, even though it looks to focus way too much on multi-player. But I don’t, so I won’t. I’m kind of interested in the new ‘Overlord’ game, but that series went downhill with each installment, so I’ll probably pass on that too. The fact that “Wasteland 2” and “Divinity: Original Sin” are now available outside of the PC would have been great two generations ago when playing on PC was significantly worse than playing on a console, but now just seems pointless. I’m dubiously interested in “Yoshi’s Woolly World,” but I don’t really want to get a gimped version without multi-player, nor do I want to obsess over collecting woven Amiibos, but I will end up buying it eventually. Likewise, Chris is going to buy “Dragon Quest Heroes” so he can torture me with it like I tortured him with “Hyrule Warriors.” Of course, he liked “Hyrule Warriors” more than I did, so I’m not sure it’s a fair comparison.

Backlog Embiggened: +1.5