By Nelson Schneider - 08/03/13 at 04:09 PM CT

Welcome to another look into the near future. As I predicted last month, the Steam Summer Sale did terrible, horrible things to my backlog. However, the damage wasn’t nearly as severe as I’d expected, considering that most of the great-looking Indie games on my Steam Wishlist (nearly 20 of them!) didn’t go on sale for more than 50% off. Anyone who understands Steam Sales knows you DON’T buy until the discount reaches at least 66%, but preferably 75%-80% off. I did add a few things to my backlog on the cheap, however: “D&D: Chronicles of Mystara” (not on sale, but the MJ crew really wanted to play it), “The Cave,” “RAGE,” “Deus Ex,” “Deus Ex: Invisible War,” “Deus Ex: Human Revolution,” “On the Rain-Slick Precipice of Darkness 3,” “On the Rain-Slick Precipice of Darkness 4,” “Fallout 3,” “Fallout: New Vegas,” “Krater,” “Giana Sisters: Twisted Dreams,” “Ys I,” Ys II,” “Borderlands 2,” and a little bit of DLC for some other games I already owned. That’s 15 new games… I don’t know whether to be happy, depressed, or terrified.

But nobody cares about OLD releases, do they? No, gamers are constantly obsessed with chasing the new and novel, despite the fact that the most popular, best-selling games are all rehashes of the same old crap over and over and over. August looks to be bringing a flood of new crap and bringing an early end to an exceptionally mild Summer Game Drought. Let’s take a look!

Shovelware season seems to be starting early this year. Are developers getting desperate? Is the worldwide economic slump (that isn’t getting better, no matter what the politicians try to tell us) causing weird things to happen in the games industry? Whatever the reason, we’re getting a LOT of multi-platform licensed crap in August. The worst of the worst comes mostly from Disney, which is foisting upon us a licensed game based on the new Pixar movie, “Planes,” a new game based on “Phineas and Ferb,” and a “Skylanders” rip-off (complete with collectable Disney-themed miniatures) called “Disney Infinity.” Also based on a Disney property, but brought to us by the dead-horse beaters at Capcom, we oldsters are getting a remastered digital release of the NES classic “DuckTales,” complete with HD graphics and hopefully more polished gameplay. The original “DuckTales” was pretty damned solid for a licensed NES platformer, so there is still some hope for this remake.

Outside of the Disney deluge, the Vita – that saddest and loneliest of handhelds – is getting a too-late port of “The Walking Dead,” the episodic adventure that resident zombie-maniac Chris has declared to be an excellent representation of the comics and TV show it’s based on. Also exclusive, the PS3 is getting a release of… something indescribably horrible from Sega (How did this even get the greenlight for release outside of Japan? Does Sega think that the number of Weeaboos in the US is greater than it actually is?). Finally, a new annual licensed NFL game with the irrelevant name of John Madden tacked onto it has been pooped-out by EA. Apparently this is the 25th time this has happened… and ‘hardcore’ gamers pick on Nintendo fans for buying ‘Mario’ sequels? At least those same Nintendo fans can rejoice in the fact that the “Angry Birds Trilogy” has finally come to the Wii and WiiU.

Looking beyond the licensed swill and shovelware, we have an extremely large number of multi-platform ‘real-game’ releases coming in August. And by ‘real-games,’ I mean the kind of crap that is strangling the industry with samey, ‘Rated M for Juvenile,’ shooter trash. And the poster child for this trend is none other than the next ‘XCOM’ game, which takes that traditional strategy franchise and beats it into conformity as a FPS. This flood of mediocrity also includes a “Painkiller” sequel, a “Lost Planet” sequel, a “Tom Clancy” sequel, a “Payday” sequel,” and a “Saints Row” sequel. Bringing a single ray of non-sequel ‘originality’ to this beige landscape is “Killer is Dead,” a new game by bat-guano crazy Japanese developer, SUDA51. What can people who don’t care much for shooters get to play in August? How about a new ‘Final Fantasy’ game? HOLY CRAP! A NEW ‘FINAL FANTASY?!’ MAYBE IT WILL SUCK LESS THAN THE 13 SERIES?! Nope, don’t get your hopes up, former ‘Final Fantasy’ fans – the new game is a re-jiggered re-release of “Final Fantasy 14,” the subscription-based MMO that was so bad it was stuck in beta testing for over a year. This is not the redemption that series so desperately needs.

Since the multi-platform releases are so depressing, what about exclusives? Well, the PS3 is getting a release of a WWII flight sim… that’s a port of a year-old PC game… but the PS3 is also getting a new exclusive RPG! Unfortunately, it’s “Tales of Xilia,” and I have given the ‘Tale of’ series the benefit of the doubt for far too long. It’s just not good. Of course Sony managed to snag another exclusive from Vanillaware, in the form of the long awaited sorceress boob simulator, “Dragon’s Crown,” which is finally coming to the PS3 AND the Vita (with Crossplay, even!) after more than a year of delays. After getting primed with “Chronicles of Mystara,” the MJ crew is really looking forward to a Fantasy Beat ‘em Up with a lot of content and continuity. It looks like the WiiU might finally receive some love in August (provided it doesn’t get slapped with yet more delays) as the retail release of the stand-alone DLC for “New Super Mario Bros. U,” “New Super Luigi U,” is receiving a retail disc releasse after a month of Nintendo eShop exclusivity. In addition, “Pikmin 3” will finally grace us with its presence 8 months after it was supposed to be released.

The realm of handhelds is looking really sparse in August. The 3DS is getting a single game: A new entry in the ‘Mario & Luigi’ RPG franchise… which really should have gone to the WiiU instead (or also). At least the DS is finally well and truly dead, and isn’t receiving anymore post-mortem releases… which is NOT the case with the even-deader PSP, which is getting a bizarre Japanese Adventure… thing… called “Sweet Fuse: At Your Side.” No, that title doesn’t make sense, but then the entire game looks like complete disaster… but at least it’s original content. What about the Vita, though? Aside from the previously mentioned late-port and Crossplay games, it’s getting absolutely NOTHING! At least one thing is as it should be.

It looks like the sudden downpour that brought an early end to the Summer Game Drought has created similar conditions to what happens in the Western US when the actual Summer dry season is suddenly interrupted by heavy rains: A whole lot of mud and filth flows in, destroying infrastructure, killing people, and making life miserable for everyone. Despite the overwhelming amount of crap coming in August, there are a surprising 4 titles that will find their way into my backlog, eventually: “DuckTales Remastered,” “Dragon’s Crown” (which earned an exceptionally rare pre-order from me), “New Super Luigi U,” and “Pikmin 3” will hopefully prove to be beautiful pieces of driftwood left behind once all the awfulness drains away.

Backlog Embiggened: +4