By Nelson Schneider - 08/23/26 at 02:24 PM CT
Welcome back to another look into the near future! It won’t be long before Summer is gone once again, and the annual Games Drought comes to a catastrophic end. Ya know, it feels pretty bad actually preferring the drought conditions than looking forward to the flood of new Autumn releases, just because “no games” means “no crap.” Oh, well... Time to see what the Industry it rushing out now that everyone is back to the school/work grind and doesn’t have as much free time to play...
Wow! There are a LOT of games coming out in September... and OVER HALF of them fall into one of the four Shovelware buckets. In Licensed Swill, there’s a new ‘Garfield’ platformer, a new ‘Walking Dead’ Beat ‘em Up, a “cozy” Adventure game based on the ‘Moomintroll’ Scandinavian children’s books, a destined-to-be-awful Christmas game called “The Grinch 2: Saving Chrtistmas” (which sounds like a direct to VHS movie from the late ‘80s), a ‘Hot Wheels’ Racing sequel, a second platformer based on the ‘90s ‘Marsupilami’ cartoon (which I can’t even imagine is relevant to today’s kids), and, lastly, the big-budget PlayStation 5 exclusive, “Marvel’s Wolverine” (which is already being torn apart by previewers).
In Casual Swill, there’s significantly less, but still enough to make me cry. There’s Party game “Planted!” Puzzle game “Sniper Dan,” and Sports Party game “Instant Sports 2.” What is this, the Wii era?
In Annualized Swill, we’ve got several Sports options for the Normies and Tourists. Hockey, Basketball, and... whatever ‘FC’ is. (Fucking Crap? That’s my best guess...)
Finally, in Noteworthy Ports, we’ve got a collection of formerly-Japan-only Visual Novels coming together in “Tristia: Chronicles.” The original ‘Culdcept’ game that never left Japan during the life of the Sega Saturn is getting a ‘tribute’ re-release. And, of course, the second volume of the ‘Trails in the Sky’ series of horrifically boring and banal RPGs is getting an Action/RPG remake in “Trails in the Sky 2nd Chapter”... but in order to make that sprawling mess of an IP more grokable to a new audience, “Trails from Zero” and “Trails to Azure” are also getting simple ports to PlayStation 5 and Switch 2.
In legitimate new multi-platform releases, we’ve got a few choices coming, and they’re a 50/50 split between sequels and new IPs, which always leaves the door open for something good to sneak in... but sadly that’s not the case in September. In sequels, there’s “Way of the Hunter 2” for those who like hunting but don’t like getting to eat gamy meat afterwards. “Onimusha: Way of the Sword” is first new samurai Beat ‘em up in the series in 20 years... but sadly, that 20 years has been infested with Souls-shit, so this game is all but guaranteed to be the type of thing that has recently earned the pejorative nickname, ‘Parry Slop.’ “Silent Hill: Townfall” is... another ‘Silent Hill’ game, just like “Harvest Moon: Echoes of Teradea” is another ‘Harvest Moon’ game, and “Control: Resonant” is another ‘Control’ game. If you like those, you’ll probably like the sequels... if you don’t... yeah... Anyway, in new IPs... there’s a Survival Crafting thing in “Solarpunk,” a ‘cozy’ ‘Harvest Moon’/’Stardew Valley’ knock-off in “Farming Camp,” a grim-and-gritty Dark Fantasy Action/RPG (*squints dubiously at that genre categorization*) about medieval vampires in “The Blood of Dawnwalker,” and a very-difficult-to-categorize-but-definitely-weeb-food... thing called “Qliphah in Providence’s Shadow” (which seems to be inspired by Japan’s odd fascination with the stupidest parts of Western religion... in this case, the Jewish Kabbalah). So, yeah, all of the ‘new’ games are attempts at cashing in on the popularity of existing trends. Yay, how original.
At last, we come to those amazing Exclusive experiences that can only be had by purchasing a specific console and subscribing to its mandatory online service. PC’s exclusives are mostly un-noteworthy Indie Slop, and PlayStation is only getting that Licensed ‘Wolverweenie’ game. What are the other guys doing? Well, I’m going to throw a bone at Xbox (maybe an XBONE, even), and give their pending release of “Minecraft Dungeons 2” the same status as an exclusive. It’s a first-party game, and it’s part of one of the only 2 IPs at Xbox that make money, so there. I’m still not buying it. Then there’s Nintendo, bringing out a new entry in their unpopular Tactical RPG/Soap Opera, “Fire Emblem: Fortune’s Weave,” and receiving a third party exclusive in “Orbitals.” “Orbitals” looks very much like the type of 2-player, coop-from-the-ground-up thing that Hazelight would release, but this is the first game by an untested developer, Shapefarm, so it could go either way... and almost definitely isn’t worth buying a Switch 2 for!
Wow! Look at all those games coming in September... that I don’t want to play.
Backlog Embiggened: +0
