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Vertiginous Golf
PC (Steam)
A Golfer Chooses, A Caddy Obeys
4/5 stars
“Vertiginous Golf” (“VG”) is a bizarre mash-up of putt-putt miniature golf and ‘BioShock’-style Steampunk dystopia. Created by sister Indie developers, Kinelco (British) and Lone Elk Creative (Canadian), who are better known for a handful of mobile and Flash browser games (read: nothing of import), “VG” is based on two earlier free Flash games, “Verti-Golf” and “Verti-Golf 2,” but bundled together into a more complete, salable package. “VG” was given away for free for a period of time immediately following its Steam release in 2014, which was when I grabbed it. While I absolutely hate Sports in general, Golf is something for which my hatred softens a bit, as it is the only Sport I can stand watching on TV (in small doses), and I have enjoyed plenty of miniature golf courses in my life. The fact that “VG” promised to be more story-based than your typical Sports videogame, combined with the fact that I didn’t have to pay a penny for it saw it added to my backlog, and the MJ Crew spent a few enjoyable evenings putting away in a turn-taking ‘coop’ mode of our own creation.
Presentation
“VG” doesn’t have the most impressive visuals. Of course, few Unity Engine games do. However, for what it’s worth, the art team that worked on “VG” managed to do a great job on the bits of the game that are actually important: The environments and the golf paraphernalia. If these were the only visuals in “VG,” it would deserve a higher score. Unfortunately, out of some misbegotten notion of investing the player into the game, we also get a rarely-seen avatar character, who is poorly designed and even more poorly animated. For a game that is 99% in first person, if I was on the development team, I would have made the executive decision to cut the player avatar, as it looks so incredibly amateurish that it overshadows the rest of the game’s visuals’ excellent quality.
The audio is quite well done, in general. The soundtrack consists mostly of piano solos which fit with the Steampunk Victorian era stylings of the rest of the game quite well. The story is narrated by fully voiced audio-logs, which are rather simple affairs read, no doubt, by members of the dev teams’ staffs. Thankfully, these aren’t completely rank amateur performances, yet they do tend to come across as a bit stiff.
Technically, there’s nothing wrong with “VG.” It’s a PC exclusive game, but includes perfectly functional native Xinput support. It never crashed or exhibited any weird behaviors either, though for a simple miniature golf game, constant crashes and glitches should be out of the question from the outset.
Story
Story? In a miniature golf game?! Yes!
“VG” takes place in an alternate universe’s version of the Industrial Revolution, where ‘Verti-Golf’ is the sport of the nobility of the floating city of New Lun-Donne, but can also be enjoyed by the working-class stiffs of Scudborough (which does not float) through SYN-ticity, a technology that allows people to project their consciousness across distances in order to inhabit virtual avatars.
Needless to say, all of these science-fiction technologies and ideas inhabiting a turn-of-the-last-millennium culture like Victorian England invokes the same setting elements which were used in the trilogy of ‘BioShock’ games published by 2K. “VG” even features audio logs in its story mode, which are triggered by touching Victrola-style record players scattered across each putting hole, much like the audio logs found in 2K’s FPS series.
However, these similarities to ‘BioShock’ are mostly superficial. The player has no agency in any of the goings on in the game’s plot, but stands as a mere spectator to the fulminating class warfare between the Low and the High, as well as the personal conflicts between two scientists working on different technologies and the constant stream of ‘Keel Calm and Caddy On’ propaganda spewed by King Leopold’s personal radio broadcaster, Auntie A.N.N. The player is no hero, but merely a bystander observing events beyond their control while playing miniature golf, both because that’s what’s expected and because they have nothing better to do.
“VG’s” Story Mode takes place on the game series of 26 holes that the practice mode includes, leaving the game fairly short. It takes a few hours to go through the Practice Mode and another few to re-play those same holes in Story Mode. However, there are multi-player PvP modes (both local and online) to extend play time, as well as a rather robust course creator that theoretically allows for unlimited user-generated content. Of course, after playing the ‘LittleBigPlanet’ series and “Super Mario Maker,” I’m well and truly over user-generated content.
Gameplay
“VG” is a very laid-back miniature golf game with some of the most bizarre and contorted holes imaginable. Every hole in “VG’s” courses exists as a stand-alone floating island in the sky. Gravity is about the only thing in the game that behaves as expected, as the courses themselves are filled with slopes, walls, moving carpets, treadmills, teleporters, pneumatic cannons, and other craziness between the tee and the hole.
Why do I say “VG” is ‘laid-back?’ It’s quite simple: “VG” is one of the few Golf games I’ve ever experienced where it’s still entirely possible to complete the game while sucking at it. “VG” has all of the pars and under-pars and total course scorekeeping one would expect, but it never at any point stops the player from continuing, much like a real miniature golf course.
In addition to putting, “VG” does include a chipping wedge, which can be used on most courses to loft the ball high into the air instead of scooting it along the ground. Furthermore, the electrically charged ball used in “VG” has a small electronic insect perched on top – called the Influenza Bug – that allows the player to exert a limited amount of influence on the ball’s movement after it has been struck and is in motion.
There are a couple of interesting convenience features built into “VG” as well. One is the limited ability to rewind in the event of a completely borked putt, while the other is the unlimited ability to scout out the layout of any given hole by sending out a mechanical hummingbird.
While “VG” does not, unfortunately, feature a cooperative mode for multiple players, the MJ Crew found a simple work-around due to the fact that the game recognizes input from any number of Xbox controllers as though they were all Player 1. We simply took turns, with each of us completing 3 holes in a typical 9-hole course. This improvised multi-player was quite fun, as we were able to critique and mock each other’s performance, while simultaneously all trying to do our best. Unfortunately, we never managed to collectively hit par, but individually we all had a number of near-miraculous shots that were fun to share with a group.
Outside of its lack of intentional cooperative gameplay, the only real downside to “VG” is the generally terrible camera, which makes it difficult to track the ball in motion and properly use the Influenza Bug. It’s a minor complaint, though I find it somewhat mindboggling that no videogame developer – after 4 entire hardware generations of 3D games with bad cameras – has come up with a better solution for misbehaving 3D cameras than allowing the player to babysit the camera with a dedicated analog stick.
Overall
If you’re looking for a putt-putt miniature golf game with a backdrop of heavy handed class warfare allegory and plenty of Victorian Steampunk trappings, “Vertiginous Golf” if pretty much your only choice. Even if you’re terrible at miniature golf, this game provides a few hours of fun. I just wish it was longer.
Presentation: 3.5/5
Story: 3.5/5
Gameplay: 4.5/5
Overall (not an average): 4/5
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