By Nelson Schneider - 08/28/16 at 04:07 PM CT

Welcome back to another look into the near future! This summer’s Game Drought positively flew by, leaving us disheveled and confused, but not terribly dehydrated. With the oncoming Autumn, we can expect this predictable dinosaur we call the Games Industry to follows its old, established patterns, such as kicking production into high gear and crowding together a large number of releases just in time for the kids who would be rabid to play these games to go back to school. At least this way those kids will have plenty to look forward to as Yule approaches and their overwhelmed relatives inevitably buy them the wrong games.

There is sooo much shovelware this month. Not only are we getting a new “Just Sing” to blight current-gen consoles, the up-and-coming wannabe ‘Pokemon’ and ‘Digimon’ and ‘Yu-Gi-Oh!’ killer, ‘Yokai Watch,’ is releasing a traditional two-versions-of-the-same-game-so-you-need-to-buy-it-twice-to-catch-all-the-monsters title: “Bony Spirits” and “Fleshy Souls.” I’m surprised ‘Yokai Watch’ has achieved any traction with its blatant occult themes, considering concerned Christian parents wouldn’t even let their kids play “Pokemon Red/Blue” back in the day.

Outside of shovelware that is just plain garbage, the dribble of annual sports and racing titles that started last month has turned into a full-on torrent (and not the fun kind). Soccer, Basketball, MORE Soccer, Hockey, and “NASCAR Heat Evolution” round out the collection of trash that people shouldn’t be buying. And if you DO buy these, it’s partially YOUR fault that modern gaming sucks. Vote with your wallets!

Because the miserable 8th Gen won’t be ending for a few more months (seriously, Neo, Scorpio, and NX can’t put a bullet between the 8th Gen’s eyes soon enough), we’re still drowning in ports and remasters. You know, if devs and publishers were serious in their desire to allow everyone to play the same games regardless of platform, it would be more efficient for them to all get together and back a SINGLE UNIFIED PLATFORM instead of just shuffling their software all over the damned place. But that’s just me and my common sense talking. Anyway, the PS4 is getting “XCOM 2” and boring Indie god-sim “Reus” from PC; the 3DS is getting the excellent “Dragon Quest 7” from the PS1; and “Quantum Break” is coming to the Windows Store after it failed to make an impression on the XBONE alone (well, along with every other XBONE exclusive). Telltale Games’ ‘Batman’ series is making its way from PC to ever other damned platform, and Capcom has pulled out its biggest dead-horse-beating stick in order to remaster “Dead Rising” and “Dead Rising 2.” In addition to ports and remasters, Microsoft is compiling all of ‘Killer Instinct’ into a single disc, two B-Rate aerial combat sims are getting compiled into a Double Pack, and all three ‘BioShock’ games are getting compiled for the PS4 and XBONE.

Unfortunately, despite the huge number of total releases in September, the number of legit multi-plats is looking really sparse. There are two: “Shantae: Half-Genie Hero” and “Beyond Flesh & Blood.” Fortunately, both of them look fairly interesting. ‘Shantae’ games are best bought on sale due to their lack of content, but are competent old-school Action/Adventure titles, while “Beyond Flesh & Blood” looks like the kind of mech game I’ve been jonesing for since I played through “Xenoblade Chronicles X.” Both titles will also be coming to Steam!

After only two multi-plats, the FOURTEEN exclusives coming in September feels like quite a shock. Of course, the revelation that these exclusives are almost pure crap is even more shocking. PC is getting two awful Roguelikes (because there is no other kind of Roguelike), “Rogue Wizards” and “One-Eyed Jak,” as well as an Action/RPG (purportedly) entitled “FIVE: Champions of Canaan.” Sony is demonstrating their dedication to the weeaboo market with a large number of terrible anime-fied RPGs and Visual Novels: “The Legend of Heroes: Trails of Cold Steel 2” (which I will NOT be playing after suffering through the first part) is coming to PS4 and PS3, “Steins;Gate 0” and “Psycho-Pass: Mandatory Happiness” are coming to PS4 and Vita, “Tokyo Twilight Ghost Hunters: Daybreak Special Gigs” and “Touhou Genso Rondo: Bullet Ballet” are coming exclusively to PS4, and “Valkyrie Drive: Bhikkhuni” (no, not bukkake) and “MeiQ: Labyrinth of Death” are coming exclusively to Vita. Microsoft is showing their weak position with a new ‘Forza’ racing title, as well as a brand new IP that actually looks interesting, “ReCore” (which will be appearing on both XBONE and Windows 10). Finally, Nintendo has nothing to show for the corpse of the WiiU, which has been buried once again, instead relying on two third-party pseudo-sequels in unpopular IPs to carry them for the month: “Sonic Boom: Fire & Ice,” and “Shin Megami Tensei 4: Apocalypse.”

While it could certainly be better, September’s release slate could also be much, much worse. I’ll be snagging “Shantae: Half-Genie Hero” on Steam once she hits the magic 75% off, and I’ll be keeping a close eye on “Beyond Flesh & Blood” to see if it has any substance or if it just made a lucky first impression on me. Likewise, if “ReCore” proves itself, I might pick it up on the Windows Store… hahahahaha, no, I definitely won’t do that. Maybe if MS gives up their dream of a walled garden and releases “ReCore” on Steam, I’ll grab it there instead.

Backlog Embiggened: +3